After choosing the right words (diction), cut the words that do no work. You started this in Composition’s Concise Writing. In 1918 William Strunk Jr. put the rule in three words: “Omit needless words.”
His explanation is worth reading whole: “Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.”
| Wordy (Strunk’s examples, 1918) | Concise |
|---|---|
| the question as to whether | whether |
| there is no doubt but that | no doubt (doubtless) |
| used for fuel purposes | used for fuel |
| in a hasty manner | hastily |
| owing to the fact that | since (because) |
| in spite of the fact that | though (although) |
| His story is a strange one. | His story is strange. |
Four kinds of needless words
- Redundancy: saying it twice (past history, end result, each and every, completely finished).
- Empty phrases: owing to the fact that, at this point in time, in order to.
- Weak openings: There is …, It is … that, which delay the real subject and verb.
- Throat-clearing: In my opinion, I think that, It is important to note that.
Key idea
Why it works
Worked example: Cut, but keep the meaning
- “In my opinion, I think that” is throat-clearing; the reader knows it is your opinion.
- “End result” and “each and every” are redundant.
- “The end result of … is that” is an empty frame around the real claim.
Answer: “The new schedule gives every student more time for lunch.”
Common mistake