One part of revising is cutting. Wordy writing uses many words where a few would say the same thing, and every extra word makes the reader work harder.
| Wordy | Concise |
|---|---|
| due to the fact that | because |
| in my opinion, I think | I think |
| at this point in time | now |
| in order to | to |
| each and every | each (or every) |
| the reason why is because | because |
| made a decision to | decided to |
| in spite of the fact that | although |
| blue in color | blue |
| completely finished | finished |
Key idea
Cut words that add nothing: empty phrases (“due to the fact that” → “because”), repeats (“blue in color” → “blue”), and buried verbs (“made a decision” → “decided”). Keep every word that tells the reader something.
Why it works
Strunk’s rule 13 (1918) begins: “Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.” He adds that this means not that every sentence be short, “but that every word tell.”
Worked example: Cut the empty phrase
Revise: “In my opinion, I think that the library should be open on Sundays.”
- “In my opinion” and “I think” say the same thing. Keep one.
- “That” can often go too.
Answer: “I think the library should be open on Sundays.” (Or, stronger: “The library should be open on Sundays.”)
Worked example: Free the buried verb
Revise: “The committee came to the conclusion that the park needs more benches.”
- The real action is hiding in a noun: conclusion.
- Turn it back into a verb: concluded.
Answer: “The committee concluded that the park needs more benches.”
Common mistake
Padding writing to reach a word count, which makes it harder to read. If you need more words, add more content: another example, a clearer explanation, the other side’s view. Check each sentence: what does each word do? If you can cut a word without losing meaning, cut it.
Concise doesn’t mean short or choppy. A long sentence full of useful detail is concise; a short one with an empty phrase is not. Concision in the Rhetoric course goes further.