After the courses have been served, a host may raise a glass to welcome guests or honor someone. A toast is a short speech of kindness, and anyone can learn to give one or receive one gracefully.
Key idea
The host usually gives the first toast. Stand or raise your glass, keep it short and kind, and look at the person being honored. If the toast is to you, stay seated, smile, and don't drink to yourself; then thank everyone and, if you like, toast them back.
Why it works
A toast gathers the whole table around one kind thought. The host goes first because the host is welcoming everyone. Short is kind: a long speech keeps people holding glasses in the air. The honored person does not drink to themselves for the same reason you don't clap for yourself: the toast is a gift from the others.
Worked example: A toast to the couple
At an anniversary dinner, Kofi, the host, stands: "To June and Walt, fifty years of kindness." What should Mrs. and Mr. Hale do?
- The toast is to them, so they stay seated.
- They smile and do not drink to themselves.
- Afterward, Mr. Hale may stand and say, "Thank you, all of you," and raise his glass to the guests.
Answer: Stay seated, smile, don't drink; then thank everyone.
Worked example: Only water
Hana is drinking water when the host raises a toast. Should she join?
- Yes. Any drink, including water, is fine for a toast.
- She raises her glass with everyone and looks at the person being honored.
- No one should press a guest to drink something else.
Answer: Yes: she raises her water glass.
Common mistake
Thinking you must drink alcohol to join a toast. Raising any drink, even water, is fine. Some writers say a toast with water is unlucky and others don't mind; customs vary, but no one should ever press a guest to drink.