An invitation ends with a request: reply. RSVP comes from the French répondez s'il vous plaît, "please reply." It is one of the clearest rules in etiquette, and one of the most often broken.
Key idea
Reply by the date asked, in the way asked. "RSVP" asks for a reply either way, yes or no. "Regrets only" asks only those who are not coming to reply.
Why it works
The host is planning food, chairs and space around your answer. A prompt reply lets them plan; silence leaves them guessing and chasing guests. Once you say yes, the host counts on you, so a reply is a promise: cancel only for a real reason, and as early as you can.
| The invitation says | You are coming | You are not coming |
|---|---|---|
| RSVP by May 1 | Reply yes by May 1 | Reply no by May 1 |
| Regrets only | No reply needed | Reply no |
| Please reply online | Use the link | Use the link |
Worked example: Regrets only
Hana's office party invitation says "Regrets only." She plans to go. What should she do?
- "Regrets only" means reply only if you are not coming.
- She is coming, so no reply is needed. She simply shows up on time.
Answer: Nothing: no reply needed when you are coming.
Worked example: A better offer
Omar said yes to Kofi's dinner on Saturday. On Thursday, he is invited to a concert the same night. What should he do?
- His yes was a promise, and Kofi has planned food for him.
- He keeps the dinner date and declines the concert kindly.
- Canceling for a better offer tells the host they were a placeholder.
Answer: Keep his promise to Kofi.
Common mistake
Replying "maybe," adding guests who were not invited, or canceling at the last minute for a better offer. A reply is a promise. Quick check: if everyone replied the way you did, could the host plan the party?