A restaurant is a shared dining room. The customs of service you met at a dinner party still apply, plus a few that belong to eating in public.
Key idea
Reserve if needed and arrive on time. Be courteous to every server and staff member. When someone else is hosting, order at a similar pace and price, and ask what they recommend. Raise problems quietly and kindly.
Why it works
A reservation lets the restaurant plan tables and staff, and being on time keeps that plan working for every other diner. Courtesy to staff is courtesy to people working hard on your behalf; it also tells your companions a great deal about you. Ordering near your host's price respects their generosity, and a quiet word solves a problem without a scene.
Worked example: The wrong dish
James ordered the vegetable curry, and a chicken dish arrives instead. What does he do?
- He waits until the server is nearby, rather than calling across the room.
- He says quietly, "Excuse me, I think I ordered the vegetable curry."
- If his companions are already eating, he tells them to start, and he thanks the server when the right dish comes.
Answer: A quiet, friendly word to the server.
Worked example: What to order when you are the guest
Ms. Shah takes Leo to lunch to welcome him to her team. The menu runs from \$12 to \$45. What is courteous?
- He follows her lead: "What do you recommend?"
- He orders something in the middle of the range, near what she orders.
- He doesn't order the most expensive dish or several extra courses unless she suggests them.
Answer: Ask for a recommendation and order near the host's price.
Common mistake
Snapping fingers or waving at servers, or sending food back with a scene. A quiet "Excuse me, when you have a moment" works better. Quick check: would you speak to a friend helping at your own dinner party this way?
Customs differ: in many countries the server will not bring the bill until you ask for it, because rushing a guest is thought rude. Ask for the check when you are ready.