After your own spills and slips, the harder question: what about someone else's? A friend with spinach in her teeth, a guest using the wrong fork, a coworker who mispronounces a word.
Key idea
Tell someone privately about something they would want to fix, like spinach in their teeth or an open zipper. Never correct another person's table manners or grammar in front of others.
Why it works
Some slips the person would want to know about, because they can fix them in a second and would be embarrassed to find out later; a quiet word is a kindness. Other slips, like the wrong fork or a grammar mistake, harm no one, and pointing them out in front of others only causes embarrassment. Correcting others publicly is a bigger breach than almost any mistake it points out.
| Tell them, privately | Let it pass |
|---|---|
| Food in their teeth | Using the wrong fork |
| An open zipper or a tag sticking out | Holding the fork Continental style |
| Toilet paper on a shoe | Mispronouncing a word |
| A smudge on the face before a presentation | Starting the bread before the host |
Worked example: Spinach before a speech
Before James gives a toast, Nora notices spinach in his teeth. What should she do?
- He can fix it in a second and would hate to give a toast with it.
- She leans in and says quietly, "You have a little something in your teeth," or touches her own tooth as a signal.
Answer: Tell him quietly, right away.
Worked example: The wrong fork
At a formal dinner, Sam sees Rosa start her salad with the dinner fork. What should he do?
- It harms no one.
- Correcting her in front of others would embarrass her for nothing.
- He says nothing. If she asks him later, he can answer kindly.
Answer: Say nothing.
Common mistake
Pointing out another guest's etiquette mistake to show you know better. Correcting others publicly is the worse breach. Quick check: can they fix it in a second, and would they want to know? If not, let it pass.