In an informal setting the napkin lies to the left of the forks; at a formal one it rests on the plate. Wherever it starts, it has a small routine of its own.
Key idea
Place the napkin on your lap after the host does. Blot your mouth rather than wipe it. If you step away during the meal, leave it on your chair or loosely to the left of your plate. At the end, set it loosely to the left of the plate.
Why it works
Each step keeps the table pleasant for everyone. Waiting for the host lets the host set the pace. Blotting is quiet and tidy. A used napkin stays off the plate and out of sight while you are away, and at the end, a loosely placed napkin tells the host and servers that you are finished without showing anyone a crumpled mess.
Worked example: A phone call mid-meal
During dinner, Priya must step out to take an important call. Where does her napkin go?
- She keeps the used napkin off the table while her plate is still in use.
- Most writers say the chair; some say loosely to the left of the plate. Both are seen as polite.
- She says "Excuse me" quietly, places the napkin, and goes.
Answer: On her chair (or loosely to the left of the plate).
Worked example: Dinner is over
The host stands up at the end of the meal. Leo's napkin is on his lap. What does he do with it?
- The meal is over, so the napkin goes back on the table.
- He sets it loosely to the left of his plate, not folded neatly and not crumpled on the plate.
Answer: Loosely to the left of his plate.
Common mistake
Tucking the napkin into a collar or leaving it crumpled on the plate. A crumpled napkin on the plate is something the next person has to handle. When you step away, writers differ, some say the chair, some the left of the plate, and both are seen as polite.