You learned a good handshake as the usual American greeting. And you know that customs differ. Greetings are where the two meet most often.
Key idea
In the U.S., stand, smile, and shake hands firmly while saying your name. Elsewhere, and with some people here, a bow, a nod, a hand on the heart or a cheek kiss may be usual, and some people prefer not to shake hands at all. Follow the other person's lead.
Why it works
A greeting says "I see you, and I am glad to meet you." Its form matters less than its warmth. Standing shows respect; a firm, brief handshake is the American way of making that respect physical. When another person offers a different greeting, or none that touches, matching them puts them at ease, which is the whole aim.
Worked example: A hand on the heart
Sam reaches out to shake hands with a new colleague, who smiles and places his right hand on his heart instead. What should Sam do?
- Follow the other person's lead.
- He lowers his hand naturally, smiles, and nods or returns the gesture.
- He says, "So glad to meet you," and moves on without comment.
Answer: Lower his hand, smile, and nod.
Worked example: Meeting seated
Mrs. Hale is sitting at a party when a friend brings over someone to meet her. What does she do?
- Standing to greet shows respect, and in the U.S. most people stand when introduced.
- If standing is hard for her, a warm smile and a hand offered from her seat is fine.
- Everyone else stands.
Answer: Stand if she can, or greet warmly from her seat.
Common mistake
Forcing a handshake on someone who has put a hand on their heart or bowed. Follow the other person's lead; a warm greeting can take many forms. Quick check: if their hand is not coming toward yours, let yours come down.
Customs differ: a bow is common in Japan and Korea, a cheek kiss among friends in much of Europe and Latin America, and a hand on the heart in many places. Some people avoid handshakes for health, faith or personal reasons. None of these needs comment.