A formal setting tells you the order of the courses. Service, the way food is brought and taken away, has its own customs, and so does the moment you begin to eat.
Key idea
Wait until everyone is served or the host begins; at a large table, start when the host invites you. Food is traditionally served from the left and plates cleared from the right.
Why it works
Starting together means nobody eats alone while others watch, and the host sets the pace for the whole table. Serving from one side and clearing from the other is a working rule: servers do not collide with each other or reach across a guest's eating hand, and guests learn to lean slightly the other way.
Worked example: Served first
At a dinner party for ten, Ruby is served first. The host is still in the kitchen. What should she do?
- Wait: starting alone while others watch is the slip.
- Keep her hands in her lap and talk with her neighbors.
- If the host says, "Please start while it's hot," she may begin.
Answer: Wait for everyone, or for the host's invitation.
Worked example: A server at your side
At a banquet, a server approaches James's left side with a platter. Then later a server comes to his right. What is happening?
- Food is traditionally offered or served from the left.
- Plates are traditionally cleared from the right.
- James leans slightly away from the server and says thank you.
Answer: Serving from the left, clearing from the right.
Common mistake
Starting as soon as your own plate arrives at a dinner party. Wait for the others or for the host. At a large table the host may say "please start while it's hot," and then it is polite to begin: the invitation is the signal.
Customs differ: in some families everyone waits for a blessing or a few words from the host; in others, the oldest person begins. Follow the host's way.