You know how to listen well. Now put talking and listening together. A good conversation is a game of catch: you catch the ball, hold it for a moment, and toss it back.
Key idea
Say a little, then toss it back with a question. Keep your turns about as long as the other person’s, and bring quiet people in: “Omar, you play the trumpet, right?”
Why it works
A conversation belongs to everyone in it. When one person does all the talking, the others feel like an audience instead of friends. Sharing the talk makes each person feel that their ideas matter too.
Worked example: Toss it back
Ms. Park asks Ruby, “How was your summer?” Ruby went to camp. How can she answer and share the talk?
- Answer with a short version and a detail: “Great! I went to a camp by a lake and learned to canoe.”
- Toss it back: “How was yours?”
- If Ms. Park wants to hear more, she will ask.
Answer: “Great! I learned to canoe at camp. How was your summer?”
Worked example: Bringing someone in
Leo, Mia and Sam are talking about a video game. Sam has not said anything. What can Mia do?
- Notice who has been quiet.
- Ask a question that is easy for Sam to answer, about something he knows: “Sam, you like building games, right? What are you playing now?”
- Then listen to his answer, just as you would anyone else’s.
Answer: “Sam, what are you playing these days?”
Common mistake
Answering one question with a long story and never asking one back, or steering every topic to yourself. A quick check: count your questions. If you have asked none in a few minutes, toss the ball back.