After you ask a good question, the most important part comes next: listening to the answer. Listening well is a skill, and people can tell right away whether you have it.
Key idea
Good listeners look at the speaker, let them finish, and ask a follow-up question about what they just said. “You went camping? What did you cook over the fire?”
Why it works
When someone feels heard, they feel respected. A follow-up question is proof that you listened, because you can only ask it if you were paying attention. It also keeps the conversation going without you having to think up a new topic.
Worked example: A follow-up question
Leo tells Sam, “I’m learning to play the drums.” Write a follow-up question for Sam.
- Find the new information: Leo is learning the drums.
- Ask about it with an open question.
- “How long have you been playing?” or “What song are you learning?”
Answer: “What song are you learning first?”
Worked example: When someone is sad
Hana says, “My cat is sick, and we have to take her to the vet.” What does a good listener do?
- Look at Hana and let her finish.
- Show you heard the feeling: “Oh no, I’m sorry.”
- Ask gently, if she seems to want to talk: “What’s her name?” Don’t change the subject to your own pet story.
Answer: “Oh no, I’m sorry. What’s her name?”
Common mistake
Spending the other person’s turn planning your own story, then saying “That reminds me…” and talking about yourself. A quick check: before you share your story, have you asked at least one question about theirs?
Customs differ. In the U.S., looking at the speaker’s face shows you are listening. In some families and cultures, looking down a little is the respectful way to listen to an older person. Both are ways of showing respect; more in Eye Contact.