Once you have started a conversation, the next question decides whether it keeps going. Some questions open a door. Others close it.
Key idea
Open questions begin with words like what, how, why and tell me about, and they invite a real answer: “What was the best part of your trip?” Yes-or-no questions (“Was your trip fun?”) often get one word and a silence.
Why it works
A good question tells the other person, “I’m interested in you.” An open question gives them room to share a story, and their story gives you the next question. A string of yes-or-no questions starts to feel like a quiz.
Worked example: Turning a closed question into an open one
Mia wants to ask Grandpa Walt about his old job. She was going to ask, “Did you like being a mail carrier?” How could she ask it so he has more to say?
- “Did you like…” can be answered with one word.
- Start with “what” or “tell me” instead.
- “What was the funniest thing that happened on your route?” invites a story.
Answer: “What was the funniest thing that happened on your mail route?”
Worked example: Follow the answer
Sam asks Hana, “What did you do this weekend?” Hana says, “We went to the lake.” What is a good next question?
- Use what she just said. The lake is the new topic.
- Ask an open question about it: “What did you do at the lake?”
- Avoid jumping to a new topic of your own; that tells her you were not listening.
Answer: “What did you do at the lake?”
Common mistake
Asking a string of yes-or-no questions (“Do you have a dog? Do you like soccer? Is your teacher nice?”) and then running out of things to say. Check: could the answer be one word? Then turn it into a what, how or why question.
Common mistake
Asking questions that pry. Good questions are about interests, plans and opinions, not about money, weight or private family matters. More on that in Topics to Skip.