When you introduce yourself or listen to someone, your eyes say a lot. In the U.S., looking at a person’s face tells them, “I’m interested, and I’m paying attention.”
Key idea
Look at the person’s face while you greet them and while you listen. Glance away now and then, the way people naturally do. Don’t stare without blinking, and don’t keep your eyes on the floor the whole time.
Why it works
People feel respected when they can see that your attention is on them. Eye contact is one of the clearest signals of attention, so in American custom it goes with greeting, thanking and listening. A soft, friendly look puts people at ease; a hard stare does the opposite.
Worked example: Saying thank you
Mr. Diaz hands Sam a trophy at the team party. How can Sam use eye contact?
- Look up at Mr. Diaz’s face as he takes the trophy.
- Smile and say, “Thank you, Coach.”
- Then he can look at the trophy; nobody expects a long stare.
Answer: Look at Mr. Diaz, smile and say thank you.
Worked example: When it feels hard
Ruby feels nervous looking right into people’s eyes. What can she do?
- She can look at the person’s face, near the eyes or at the nose; it looks the same from the other side.
- Looking up for the greeting and the goodbye covers the most important moments.
- Practice with family first, where it feels easy.
Answer: Look at the face, near the eyes, especially for hello, thank you and goodbye.
Common mistake
Staring without blinking, or never looking up at all. Both make the other person uncomfortable. Aim for a friendly look at the face, with natural glances away.
Customs differ. In some cultures and families, looking an older person straight in the eye can seem bold, and looking down a little is the respectful way. If a friend or a grown-up looks away while you talk, they may be showing respect in their own way. Neither way is wrong; each is a way to honor the other person.