When you introduce yourself to a grown-up, you also need to know what to call them. The custom in most of the U.S. is simple, and there is a polite way to handle the times you aren’t sure.
Key idea
Use a title with the last name: Mr. Diaz, Ms. Park, Mrs. Hale, Dr. Bell. Use a first name only if the adult invites you to. When you aren’t sure whether a woman uses Mrs. or Ms., “Ms.” works for any woman.
Why it works
A title shows respect for an adult’s age and role. Letting the adult decide whether to use first names puts the choice with them, so nobody is made uncomfortable. And when you follow what a person asks to be called, you show that you listened.
Worked example: A friend’s parent
Sam meets his friend Omar’s mother for the first time. Omar’s last name is Haddad. What should Sam call her?
- Start with a title and the family’s last name: “Hello, Mrs. Haddad” or “Ms. Haddad.”
- If she says, “Oh, please call me Layla,” then use Layla. If not, keep the title.
- If Sam isn’t sure of her last name, he can ask Omar first.
Answer: “Hello, Ms. Haddad,” unless she invites him to use her first name.
Worked example: Not sure
Mia’s new neighbor waves at her. Mia knows her name is Nora Grant but not whether she is married. What should Mia say?
- “Ms.” works for any woman, married or not.
- “Hi, Ms. Grant!”
- If Nora asks to be called something else, Mia can switch.
Answer: “Hi, Ms. Grant!”
Common mistake
Guessing wrong between Mrs. and Ms. and then avoiding the person’s name. “Ms.” works for any woman when you are not sure. And always follow what an adult asks to be called.
Customs differ. Customs differ by region and family. In parts of the South, children may say “Miss Ana” or “Mr. James” with a first name, and “sir” and “ma’am” are a common, respectful habit in many regions. Some families and schools use first names for adults. When in doubt, use the title and last name, and follow what the adult prefers.